Bonus Issue, you lucky bastards! This post and the following one were first - ahem - published on the Alliance Films 2012 Toronto International Film Festival website. (http://www.alliancelive.ca/category/festival-360/) God bless their cold corporate hearts for letting me write whatever I pleased. In return I kept out the sex and swearsies.
WARNING: Not actual advice. Or maybe it is. I just don’t know anymore. Shut up.
MEEK NO MORE: HOW TO STAND OUT AT A TIFF PARTY (PART ONE)
So it's TIFF party season, you're feeling shy, don't have a thing to wear, and are wondering the best ways to make friends and influence people. Look no further, friends, for the simple fashion and social tips that will take you from wallflower to talk of the town....maybe even the front of the newspaper. Or subject of your very own Toronto Police Service report or restraining order!
Here, in part one, we talk fabulous TIFF party fashion.
First of all, this Festival, why not take a cue from the Royals and sport a fascinator or a very large hat? This is a simple addition to your look that will instantly garner attention. If you're clever and wear it all day long, it's guaranteed that you will be popular the moment you arrive at any party or event, surrounded as you'll be by people who sat behind you at screenings earlier, now eager to chat with you about how you blocked their goddamn view through the entire goddamn movie. Well, aren't they jealous! I smell a trend for next year.... But remember, you started it, here, in 2012, you fashion renegade, you!
As for what to wear from the neck down....now is not the time for the subdued navy blue dress or the grey pinstripe suit. It's a TIFF party; now is the time to unleash your inner rock star! Try something bold, like wearing your bra outside your shirt (yes, gentlemen, I'm talking to you). And wear eye-catching materials, as many as you can find. Neon is very in right now: pair a neon orange shirt with a silver sequined mini -- and throw in some leopard print wherever you can, maybe in the form of tights or a poncho. Then why not wrap yourself in that reflective safety tape for kids at Halloween - and those shoes that the little ones have with lights that flash when they walk: do they make those for grown ups ? Well they should: the Nike Air Cineaste. It could have a little screen on the tongue showing clips from your favourite films. (You're welcome, Nike.) All this flashing and reflective clothing will also be handy if you're cycling home or back to the hotel later on your bike or rented Bixi, where, this being Toronto, you may just run into a Feist or a Gosling in the bike lane. Hopefully not literally.
Now, if you disregard all the rest and there's only one fashion tip you implement from all this (though I can't imagine why that would be), let it be this eminently practical one: be sure to remember your Ziploc purse. Don't have a Ziploc purse/manly Ziploc messenger bag? In three simple steps you can make your own out of a large freezer bag, a few safety pins and some old pantyhose legs (colour of your choice!) for straps. Be the very soul of chic as you stand by the buffet table or chase down servers with hors d'oeuvres trays, shovelling tasty tidbits into your handy and durable new bag!
No more Beige Betty or Boring Bill for you! Try these tips - and send in your own, dear readers! - and not only will you not blend in, but you'll be sure to be remembered, talked about and photographed wherever you go.
In the next edition, I'll share the social tips that will help you live up to your fab new look and be the you that you had no idea you were capable of being (and it never would have occurred to you to be) in your very wildest dreams! Stay tuned...and enjoy the party!
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