Bonus Issue Bonanza! Part two of the totally serious, infinitely helpful piece I wrote for the Alliance Films TIFF blog on how to impress at festival parties:
In part one, we taught you how to make an impression with just a few blinking, flashing,towering, shiny, noisy fashion pieces.
In today's edition of Meek No More, you'll learn how to be the walking, talking equivalent of your hot new look, and go from shy to schmoozetastic with a few simple tips!
As Marvin Gaye sang in his tragic song about debilitating social phobia, "Got to Give it Up":
"I used to go out to parties
And stand around
'Cause I was too nervous
To really get down"
But we know, friends, what happened just one short verse later: Ol' Marv got himself together, baby, and had him a ball!
I know that can be easier than it sounds. It's not always east to get up offa that thang. But next time you walk into a TIFF party and feel that bashfulness start to take hold, just keep repeating this confidence-building mantra to yourself (preferably out loud, at high volume): "I am just as interesting a human being as anyone else here. I deserve attention! I WILL BE LOVED!"
Now that you've got the attention of everyone in the room, capitalize on it.
If you see any celebrities nearby, never be shy or worry you'll have nothing to say. Simply march up confidently and tell them their own names. They love that.
"You're Keira Knightly."
"That's right."
"Cool."
Then simply stand and stare.
Bonus if you can remember the film the star's premiering at TIFF, thus engaging him/her on a professional level:
"You're Keira Knightly."
"That's right."
"Cool.... You're in that historical thing. You play that chick—the one in the dress. Annie Kanooonina?"
"Uh...Anna Karenina. Yes."
"You were great in Attack of the Clones."
She walks away, dazzled by your charm. Mission, as they say, accomplished.
Smile. Never stop smiling. Unless you're chatting up someone single and attractive, in which case: pout. Never stop pouting. Randomly flex a bicep now and then. Ohhh yeah.
When meeting new people, politics might provide a useful topic of conversation. Not from here and want to ingratiate yourself with artsy Toronto types? Wear a large "I LOVE ROB FORD" button: the locals will be sure to tell you exactly what they think about it. Canadian and want to chat with American film folks? Tell them repeatedly how swell you think Romney and Ryan are. Chat with a chair when everyone walks away.
Keep a Sharpie handy at all times. No, not so you can get celebrity autographs - how gauche! No, so that you can scrawl your contact information on the arms of influential people you meet. So much kickier and more distinctive than handing out some boring old business card. It's one way to guarantee that Bradley Cooper will be thinking about you in the shower later....as he scrubs madly at the almost-indelible ink you've left on his flexor carpi radialis. Ooooh...Cooper flexor carpi radialis....Where was I?
Follow these tips—and send in more of your own, readers!—and any party you attend will prove not only special and memorable for you, but for anyone else lucky enough to be there.
One last thing: as security is dragging you out kicking and screaming, be sure one of the things you shout is your full name. The name of your employer and/or agent if you have one would be useful, too. Then, later that night, curled up in your bed or on the cold floor of your holding cell, you can sleep soundly in the knowledge that you grasped the moment, made it yours....and truly made an impression.
