On BERLIN & PARIS
July 2nd, 2008
July 2nd, 2008
First, a lesson, just to get your eyes acclimatised, my Continental Reader.
Europe: 
Not Europe:
And again. Europe:
Not. Frickin'. Europe.
Yes, those other two were taken across the street from the stunning Hotel Europa in Niagara Falls, Ontario, where I will no doubt return someday for a slightly cheaper version of the romantic overseas experience. And a wider variety of microscopic insects and toilet seat diseases.
Enough. This is the photo issue, dammit.....and I think you may be ready.
BERLIN:
Hey! Look! Contrary to popular North American belief, Berlin is not actually in black and white! At least not since the sweeping Letsnotlookenlikeeinenewsreelundinfactletsenpartyalldienacht andnotbeclosendieklubsundalsodrinkendiebeerindiestreet Reforms of 1982.So colour is a recent development......and all the more impressive for it.
(In one of the city's many huge and gorgeous parks)
Along the sunny spree:
The shots below are from Museum Island -er, Insel. The purty old church is only a hundred years old; it was built to replace another church that burned down, which had been built to replace another one that burnt down. All this before it got bombed during the war. Ah, peaceful Berlin. The shell to the right of it is the former East German parliament, which they've been taking apart for years now. Apparently in Commie times it housed several hopping discos and a bowling alley. Seriously. You can't make this shit up.
Altes (old) Museum: You may have seen footage of Hitler giving speeches in front of this building. He thought it would make a serious, imposing backdrop and make people mistake the Nazis for something along the lines of the Roman Empire. Note questionable replacement of Hitler with Calgarian blondes.
The floating Russian soldier at Checkpoint Charlie:
Typically Berlin bizarre tourist shit:
The "Checkpoint Curry" Currywurst stand .....
.....That much-coveted souvenir gas mask that allmy friends back home had begged and begged for....
....And, of course, the Brandenburg Gates andthe Titanic rendered
in tasty German chocolate.
Here are the two dudes dressed up as American and Russian soldiers at Checkpoint Charlie. That's a "1 Euro for photo" sign on the one guy's crotch.
A piece of the Wall:
At the Reichstag (which you're now supposed to call the Bundestag; the official pamphlet insists on this - and then it immediately goes back to saying "Reichstag" in the next paragraph), where I got a little snap-happy....
......And where I took my self-portrait-ization to a whole new level (eerie lighting and all...though I clearly should have splurged on a better hairstylist).
Mm-mm-MMM! Eva Longoria looooves her some German ice cream!
Helps her keep her figure!
Mm-mm-MMM! Indy loves him some Konigreichs des Kristallschadels! Mmm! Yeah!
The Berlin Fuhrnseturm (or some variation of that, which I am too lazy to look up). Real groovy- looking from the ground, no great shakes to go up, especially if you hail from the CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE and have been to the top of the CN Tower several times. (Yes, I will let you touch my feet, for a small fee.) Berlin's beauty is at ground level anyway. But it IS a groovy tower.
The entrance gate to the beautiful Berlin Zoo....
...And a sampling of the five million photographs I took inside:
Below, also in the zoo: Hands-down the strangest fountain I've ever seen. A devil spitting on a young boy's head and naked body. There's a nearby statue of Lida and the swan, so maybe this one's from some fable or myth as well??? Fucking weird, that's all I have to say. Berlin, Berlin, Berlin. What am I gonna do with you?
Okay. You know what, Naive and Trusting Reader? I'm done. At least for today. I mean, I've been awake for, like, hours.....and my medicinal vodka alarm is ringing. You're pooped, too, I'm sure, what with the overload of artistic beauty, not to mention monkeys and giraffes.
So, as is becoming usual, I lied. The Paris photos will have to wait until another day. Suckahhhs!
Oh, wait. That's no way to treat you, my loyal and magnificently gorgeous public. I smooch you all. And, as thanks for sticking with me thus far......
Bonus Monkey Video!!! Just like you've all been waiting for!!! Woo Hoo!
A million kisses on all your little monkey paws,
Your Sophisticated Lady,
The Tourist
8 comments:
Fascinating how all the monkey's faces were fuzzed out...I didn't know the berlin zoo harboured witness protection monkeys. They looked nervous too...like why's the sexy brown-haired lady making a video of us? Act natural!
Currywurst?! ... and at the Checkpoint Charlie too ... well that does it for Berlin for me!!
and is it wrong when I was expecting a giant monkey face to suddenly come into view during one of the pans?
I would LOVE to have panned to a giant monkey face.....but, as tracy points out, that would have violated the Witness Protection Primate Program. These monkeys shall remain nameless.
P.S. "Currywurst" (along with donairs) is ubiquitous over there - a fat sausage with curry all over it, basically. Yum.
i guess it could be worse ... Starbucks now serving Currywurst! in the Brandenburg gate with your complementary piece of the wall.
Wow, that blog is so educational. Who would have known that they have a dinosaur and rats bigger than pigeons in the zoo?And video. What's next? How about 3D?
Re: weird spitting “devil”fountain: I think it may be a figure of Bacchus/Dionysus, god of wine and hedonistic pleasures (you ignorant child), somewhat appropriate as a holiday snap. No idea why a) it’s spitting on a boy, kinda kinky or b) it’s in a zoo. Must be a German thing.
The given blog have some beautiful pictures of Paris. I was unknown by some of this places.
Posadas em Buzios....
These are all pictures from Berlin, maybe that's why you don't know these places! I never did post many of my Paris photos, I should do that one day. Thanks for looking...
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