are you there god? it's me in mexico.

MAZATLAN, MEXICO
March 11th, 2004


Hey my little Canadian monkeys. What's a happenin'? All continues well here in Mazatlán....

You'll be happy to know that I can now settle that age old debate. Once and for all:

School suks! Yes, everywhere! School, in fact, sucks even more in a place like this, when you know you could be at the beach instead, tanning yer ass instead of conjugating verbos.

I now hold a diploma from the Reallyreallyinsanelyridiculouslyfastschoolof spanish, which I attended all last week. It was quite tough, but I'm really glad I did it. Halfway through the week, I was losing my mind a bit: four hours of private instruction each day (with teachers who don't speak english, so you know it's gonna be intense) plus three or four hours of homework each night. And the homework would be stuff like: go home and review everything you learned today, plus teach yourself the past tenses of -ar, -ir and -er verbs, and memorize a hundred new words. Then the next day, we'd spend about a minute going over that, and MOVE ON! It was nuts. It was great at the beginning, but as my brain became a messy jumble of new, half-digested information, I just wanted to scream "I don´t need to know all the spelling exceptions for the third person forms of -ir verbs in the preterite tense! I don´t care!" I am quite happy to bumble around speaking in only the present tense all the time. I mean, me talk pretty one day, but for now...

Besides, I think talking only in the present tense would be good for me as an actor, you know? An exercise in living in the moment. Anyway, it was all good in the end: on the last day of class (which I had actually considered skipping, I was dreading it so), I realized, mid-rant, that I was able to express, in spanish, that I didn´t understand anything, that the homework was too complicated, that I got the exercises while I was doing them, but forgot everything afterward....

I couldn't complain like that a couple of weeks ago! I'll be ranting and raving all over Mexico in no time, you watch me.

So far, in spanish, these are a few of my favourite things:

If you are embarassed, don't say you are embarazado. That would make you not embarassed (well, maybe) but pregnant.

To be constipado is to have a cold.

Food can be caliente (hot), but if you're hot, say "tengo calor". "Estoy caliente" means "I´m horny".

In spanish, there is no separate way to say "I want" and "I love". They are both quiero. So you can't possibly tell someone you want them ("Te quiero") without saying you love them. Interesting. I'm sure this has caused more than one misunderstanding over the years. ( When are these crazy Mexicans gonna get it together?)

So...life since my big long school term....
Good....and lazy. Very lazy. It hasn't exactly been one long siesta, but uhipe q+´0o´kp ñan lkaakuhoiaiapdwqqñl´´ohjoihoipphjohoaewqrdzgfr xgdhgt8 9769uyoi'80u0pijpo324ñlkñ{

Sorry...fell asleep on the keyboard for a minute there.

Lots of reading, eating, snoozing, walking around. A couple of movies. You´ll love this, Xine - I have seen the Cold Mountain trailer twice since I've been here...and I'm sure I will again. I thought you were out of my life, Cold Mountain! Last time, I decided to make a game of it and see how much of it I had memorized. I didn't do too badly. But I think a group of locals sitting nearby thought I was nuts when they saw me mouthing "Mah last thread of cuhrage is to wait" and emoting along with Zellwegger's weather report. I'm sure the ads for the DVD will be on TV nonstop when I get home. Kill me now.

No, wait! Don't kill me yet! I've got reading to do! So far: The Navigator of New York, Invisible Monsters, Ooh Ah Oh Wilderness (thought I should read this little skit I'm going to be doing), Man and Superman (ditto), Lolita, and yes, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret?. Let me explain. Yes, I have read Are You There God before (they won't let you buy your first bra until you write a test on it). But Kimwun and I recently had the brilliant idea of starting an adolescent book of the month club, in which we reread all those stupid books we loved as prepubescents ( Judy Bloom, Gordon Korman - God I had such a crush on Bruno. Or was it Boots?- etc.), starting with Margaret. The real beauty of it is that you can read these little books in an afternoon - wasting as little of your time as possible, allowing you to continue reading whatever else you're reading. who's in?

The really weird thing was that I read Margaret while between books one and two of Lolita (an old favourite that I'm paying a visit to). And they got a bit mixed up in my drowsy mind. Leaving me with something like Are you there, God? It's me, Lolita. By Judy Nabokov. A very weird book. Who's the villain, anyway? Humbert Humbert....or that catty little shrew Nancy Wheeler? Actually, it was really difficult taking Margaret's problems seriously while poor little Lo was getting banged across America. Who cares if you haven't gotten your stupid period yet and don't know what stupid religion you are?! Lolita's takin' it three times a day, for chrissake!! One day, when I finally decide to go to university, I'll write a brilliant paper comparing the two. Wait a minute, no I won't: yooniversity suks!

Speaking of little kids, I love this internet place, because it's the converted front room of a family home....and there is always this adorable little girl (about three) wandering in and visiting. The other day she was trying to hide the family puppy ( a cute little poodly thing) under my desk. Today she's slightly obsessed with my tattoo. Very cute.

Oh (Gregg, you needn't read this bit) - my friend Gregg sent me an email in really bad spanish, courtesy of one of those translation websites. Don't do it. But the great thing was that he then had it translate everything back into english, with mostly hilarious results, and the truly wonderful discovery that "Hello Ms. Lisa" ended up as "hello smooth señorita". So, with a slight adjustment, I have finally found my superhero name, and would appreciate if you'd all address me from now on as: Señorita Smooth.

And another favourite thing:
In Mexico, it is customary to sign off a letter, even one to the most casual acquaintance with un beso (a kiss) / besos or...

Un abrazo (a hug),

Lisa

(Except for the "Lisa" part. That's not so customary.)